It's not all elephants and sun-downers on the Zambezi

Hello it’s Madison here!

I am calling this blog post “It’s not all elephants and sun-downers on the Zambezi” because although this trip has been life changing and filled with moments that I will hold close to my heart forever…there are days here when it is just hard. We are across the globe, surrounded by new things, new people, new food, and all while trying to get through our final practicum of our nursing degree. Sounds easy doesn’t it!?

During this past week I have faced some of my hardest moments. When asked what was wrong I would reply “I am over the honeymoon phase”, this meaning that I am over a month into being away from home, I miss my family (mostly my dog…sorry mom and dad), I miss westernized food, I miss not sharing a bed with someone (although I love my roommate Julia…you sleep talk), and I am missing familiarity. Even doing laundry by hand and making a cup of coffee that took 10 minutes to boil feels like the biggest task at times. I am missing simplicity (and yes when I think of simplicity I am picturing my Keurig coffee maker at home). Now these things may seem small (and really, they are), especially considering I am in Africa where I am surrounded by people in poverty, people struggling with severe illness, and people facing many barriers in their lives such as access to food, clean water, healthcare, and the list goes on. But I have been put into a completely new world, where I don’t fully understand anything. I am a Mukuwa (the term they use here for white people) who is a little lost in Mongu.

I grappled all week with my “low” feelings and spent my time wondering why I was feeling this way. I kept thinking something was wrong with me… I am in my favourite place in the world so why was I feeling like this? One word that comes to mind is exhaustion. We are always “on” here. We must greet each person in our passing appropriately (I haven’t quite mastered whether it’s a clap and a bow, a hand shake, or none of the above), we must try and learn a new language (so far, I have learned “hello, I am fine” in Lozi), we must be culturally aware and culturally safe at all times (my highlight from this week of what not to do is tell someone you’re married just to get out of being asked to marry someone’s son) and always being on showcase (by this I mean being looked at 24/7 and getting called MUKUWA right, front, and center) just because I am CLEARLY not from here. In the honeymoon phase, this was all new and exciting– and some of them still are, but the more I hear the word Mukuwa, I just want to shout, “MY NAME IS MADISON”. Of course, I don’t do this, I smile and wave and join in on their laughter.

Going through all of these small things really do add up and while I am dealing with the things that I miss from home such as my morning routine, my beloved dog Twix, my morning cup of joe…I am also working with sick babies, children, and adults. I see things each day that I wish I could change and I see people that I wish I could save…but I can’t. That itself is enough to throw me out of whack! My heart is full here, but it is definitely heavy, and each day is bringing new challenges. I think I can speak for everyone when I say that we are trying our best to keep a smile on our face even though we want to cry because of something we just saw at practicum or on the street, and that we are doing our best to stay positive, to embrace each and every moment, we are doing our best to adapt and fit in… we are doing our best and that’s all we can do but some days are harder than others.

           I keep telling myself “it’s okay to feel low, but you can’t stay low forever”.  Although it is easy to get caught up in the negative things we are seeing, I am pleased to say that it is incredibly easy to be uplifted here. The culture, the people, the beautiful surroundings are what keep me going. I was face timing my dad one night this week, and I started to tear up (who knows for what reason this time). I went outside to the street to get some fresh air.  I walked a little bit down the street, said hello to a few people, and saw this stunningly beautiful woman walking down the street with water on her head and a baby on her back.  For a moment I forgot my dad was on facetime until I heard him say “You just changed…the moment you walked onto that dirt road and greeted your neighbors and those driving by, you changed. You look so much happier”. Zambia is my home away from home. I have made new routines, I have learned to enjoy instant coffee that took 10 minutes to make, a part of the Lozi culture will always be in me (so if you see me in Canada clapping and bowing to you at your feet this is why), and I will always be a Mukuwa. When I go home to Canada (which is coming up quick) I am going to miss these things just like I missed home in Canada. And now to finish this incredibly lengthy and personal blog I will finish it off with a cheesy but TRUE quote “every day may not be good, but there is something good in everyday”

Now I must go run and get my clothes that I hand washed off of the clothesline because its pouring rain…

All my love, From my Zambian home to my Canadian home

Madison